


Du weißt ich kann das Schweigen nicht so gut wie du

by dreamingbook



Series: Conversations [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 08:37:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18989116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingbook/pseuds/dreamingbook
Summary: A conversation between friends





	Du weißt ich kann das Schweigen nicht so gut wie du

**Author's Note:**

> Song for this work: [Du bist anders - Annenmaykantereit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqf24-DGvVA)

Eric is nervous. He wipes his hands on his jeans, his heart rate picking up second by second.

There’s no real reason for him to feel this way, it’s just a conversation he’s going to have.

A conversation with his best friend.

No biggie.

Eric wants to turn on his heels and go back to his car. His hands tighten on the keys he almost breaks them.

He takes a deep breath, letting the cold air fill his lungs, trying to get the anxiety out mixed with carbon dioxide, hoping his nerves calm down a bit.

It’s not really working.

“You can do it.” He mutters  as he takes out his phone and types ‘I’m here’ and sending the message to Dele.

He’s standing on Dele’s porch and it’s only a few seconds later that he hears the familiar sound of the door being buzzed open.

Dele’s home engulfs him in a blanket of warmth that is normally enough to stop the prickling of his skin but today it almost suffocates him. It’s too hot.

Eric makes his way across the hall, finding his way effortlessly. He’s been there enough times.

He spots Dele in the living room, stretched out on the couch in dark, comfy looking sweatpants and a long armed sweatshirt, eyes fixed on his phone. Eric doesn’t think Dele noticed him coming in.

He feels awkward, doesn’t know what to do with his hands, with his body, should he say something, to make himself known?

Eric mentally facepalms, it has never been this way. Dele had always made him feel home, he never had to think how to act around him but today it’s different. Today nothing feels right. It’s like his organs want to jump out of his skin and why does this room suddenly feels like it’s closing in on him?

Eric’s fingers instinctively reach for the collar of his shirt. There are no buttons for him to open.

The thoughts in his head are screaming at him and it’s giving him a headache. He breathes.

Maybe this conversation doesn’t need to happen, maybe he could just go back home without-

“Are you not going to say hello?”

Eric hadn’t even noticed that Dele had looked up from his phone and is now staring at him, eyebrows drawn together as if he’s thinking very hard.

“Hi.” Eric says. It comes out a bit high pitched and Dele frowns at him.

“You okay?”

Eric nods slowly before sitting down next to Dele, pushing his feet from the couch under slight protests from his friend.

“I’m fine.“ He says and that’s it. His heart is still pushing heavily against his ribcage and he wonders if Dele can hear his heartbeat. It’s all Eric can hear.

“Sure.” Dele says but he sounds like he doesn’t believe him and Eric grabs one of the blue pillows Dele always has on his couch and hugs it against his chest.

He doesn’t know how to start.

After two minutes of silence, Dele takes the pillow out of Erics arms -no rips it out of Eric’s arms, staring at him intensely. Eric glares at him as if Dele betrayed him badly.

“Out with it.” Dele says and Eric blinks.

“Hmm? Out with what?” He swallows, but his throat is dry and his fingers itch for the pillow, Dele is holding safely in his hands now, too far for Eric to reach.

“I don’t know, you said you wanted to talk and now you’re here looking like you forgot your brain at home.”

“Shut up.” Eric says but he doesn’t mean it.

“Well.. are you going to talk or are you just going to stare at my walls?”

“Walls.” Eric says confidently, avoiding Dele’s eyes and Dele shoves him lightly at the shoulder.

“Eric.”

“Dele.”

Eric sighs. “Can you give me the pillow back?” He asks because if he’s going to talk he needs something to hold on to.

He didn’t think this would be so nerve wrecking. Dele is his best friend he’ll understand. He’s still going love him after.

But what if he doesn’t?

Dele makes a face but gives the pillow back to him anyway, maybe because he already knows.

“So the reason i’m here today is because i have to tell you something.”

“I think we established that part.”

“It’s not easy for me to tell you that so be quiet?”

Dele nods, pressing his lips together tightly. Eric feels him scoot closer to him, quietly giving him support and Eric is grateful for that.

“Are you dying?” Dele asks and there’s actual worry on his face, his hands close to Eric’s thigh.

“No?” Eric says confused, "I mean one day yes but not now. Why are you asking?” Where was this coming from?

“I don’t know it’s just- you’ve been to the doctors a lot lately and now you’re here looking like- well not very healthy.” This time it’s Dele who avoids Eric’s eyes staring at his hands. Eric hates how he’s making Dele feel like this.

“I’m not dying.” He says, voice soft, reassuring and Dele smiles at him. “Good. Because I need you okay?” It sounds a bit desperate but maybe Eric is imagining things.

 _I need you too,_ Eric almost says, ignoring the fluttery feelings in his stomach. One conversation at a time, he thinks. One at a time.

“I’m not dying i’m just-”  _Bisexual_. But the words don’t come over his lips, it’s like they’re glued to his tongue, afraid of being let out.

“You’re what?”

An idiot and in love with you.

“Do you remember the guy we met last week at the gas station?” Eric asks because it’s now or never.

“The stalker?”

“He wasn’t a stalker.”

“He knew an awful lot about you, sounds like one to me.”

“It’s because he and me,” Eric swallows, "we used to-”

I was in love with him and then he broke my heart.

“We had a thing once.” So there it was out in the world.

“A thing.” Dele repeats and Eric can hear him thinking, trying to make sense of everything.

“A thing as in..?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Does that mean you’re..?”

“Bisexual.. yes.”

“Okay.”

“Cool”.

There’s the silence again and Eric doesn’t know what to do with it. It’s deafening and his heartbeat is painfully loud in his ears. He hugs the pillow closer to his body. At least Dele didn’t move away from him, so that means he’s at least not disgusted?

“Eric. Give me the pillow.”

“No.”

“Please.” Dele whines and fine, it’s Dele’s pillow anyway. As soon as he’s put the pillow away he feels the weight of Dele in his arms, hugging and squeezing him. It’s warm and full of love that Eric feels the pressure of tears behind his eyelids.

He’s not going to cry.

“You’re my best friend, Dier. Nothing in the world could change that, you hear me?”

It’s a silent whisper but it goes straight to Eric’s heart and he hugs back as tight as possible, hoping Dele understands what hearing these words mean to him.

One conversation done and maybe one day he’ll be ready for another one.

**Author's Note:**

> Title translation: You know i can't keep quiet as well as you do  
> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think :) <3


End file.
